The Texas Tiger Chronicles

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Reconnections, the Shine, and doing NYC with Jackie O.

I am Under Construction, and I hope the finished product will be much better than Missy's album of the same name. Right now I am going through some changes and transitions and today's post is going all the way here and there. Everywhere.

You remember when you were sitting next to your mom on a Sunday morning in your local missionary Baptist church and a young soloist would walk up to the microphone during the alter call and give a gospel disclaimer? It usually began, "Giving honor to God, my pastor, members and Christian friends. The devil is busy. As I attempt to sing this song, please pray inward and I pray outward…" and then the song would begin. Well, I am not giving you a gospel disclaimer this morning but should my thoughts seem disconnected or random, just start praying while I sing my song.

Mood: Nervous. I having a small gathering at my house on Friday and it will be the first time I have had more than three people in my apartment at once. I am a nervous wreck. Plus I don’t know what I am wearing or what I am serving for Friday. It’s just too much going on in my head right now. I cannot stop shaking I am so nervous. I feel like Bobby Brown before a piss test with his parole officer.

Mode: Today was one of those "I know I look fabulous, but seriously, I didn’t try to" days. I literally threw on some fade jeans and a Kenneth Cole shirt that I didn’t bother to iron. I matched those up with some KC boots and a vintage Structure wool trench coat. I say vintage because Structure no longer exists which therefore classifies my coat as a "classic." My beard is growing back and I am showing a 5 o’clock shadow, very Richard Greico from 21 Jump Street.

Munchies: I ate two chicken breasts marinated in olive oil and herbs and spices.

Music of the Morning: "Help Me Make it Through the Night" by Gladys Knight.


I remember the first time I heard this song. I was in the midst of a spell of puppy love. I was 22, and I had just discovered what it felt like to sleep with someone all night. And I was a little hooked. And then, the sleeping stopped. And so did the visits. And so did the conversations. And I thought my world had ended. I felt like I would die. Was this love? Is this the thing so many people had told me about? This feeling of emptiness. The feeling of powerlessness. As I seemed to have given someone else power over my sleep. How can your absence keep me awake at night? I have slept alone for over 21 years, why do I need you now? I do not like being in a space where I do not have control. There is nothing sexy about being helpless or needy.

As I sat on my bed in the dark one night in New Orleans, I popped in a CD I picked up on a trip to the UK. And then came Gladys. And she began to speak to me in words and verses as if she was reading my heart. Every line and lyric pulsated through my veins. Provoking thoughts and questions. Leaving no answers. How did I go from being self-sufficient to being this person? And why do I need you to help me make it through the night?

I don’t know why I put on such a love ballad this early in the morning. I had a conversation last week, I think I shared it with you earlier. I think love does not always make you stronger. I think it makes you vulnerable. That’s what Gladys was signing about. It wasn’t about love, or hurt or loneliness. It was about being vulnerable but being comfortable in acceptance of your vulnerability. The song took me back to my own age of innocence and vulnerability. I haven’t felt that way for a few months. The first time I ran into Mechad Brooks in public I went all the way there. My heart was open. Vulnerable and fluttering. Open to sharing. Talking. Conversing. Discussion. Talks. Exchange. He looked at me and walked away. I was crushed. Why won’t he help me make it through the night Gladys?

Motif: Ask yourself, are you ready to SHINE?


This week I have begun my countdown to destiny. Four days. This Saturday there will be hell up in Harlem where I will be front-row and center at the book signing for Shine: A Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Journey to Finding True Love. Written by Mrs. Star Jones-Reynolds. I am sure this book will be as life-altering and informative as her many
witticisms on The View. For 2006, are you ready to SHINE?

RECONNECTIONS

New Years Eve afforded me a series of welcomed reconnections with the past. Old friends, old flames, old emotions and old resentments. But like the newly emancipated and newly overweight Mimi, I decided I was leaving it all behind.


As part of my personal road to spiritual, physical and emotional happiness, I hired a financial planner (for the creative artist "in" me who hates numbers), signed up for ballet lessons (for the child in me who loved to dance but was denied by my mother) and I have placed designs on a life-training course (to work out the kinks that may be holding back the SHINE).

The eve of the New Year also allowed me to reconnect with Jackie O., a very good friend from the days of undergrad. Back when we had fewer worries, traveled Europe together, partied in Barcelona and rocked 5th Avenue.

Jackie is about 5’11" out of her 4-inch stilettos and she isn’t a stranger to a short mini skirt. Right now, she is wearing her hair in locks, which I have seen her style in many variations. We met in Times Square which I think may have been the first place we met nearly 10 years ago. Jackie figured prominently into my first visit to New York as we shopped at Dolce and Gabanna together, went clubbing, and basically soaked in the city.

It was really good to connect with an old friend. Jackie is a friend who has visited me in nearly every city I have ever lived in. She will find her way to me, like a river finds the sea.

I always remember the little things. The friend who helps you with your campaign for freshman-class president. The friend who volunteers to pick you up from the airport. The friend who buys you Tropicana Orange Juice with extra Vitamin C when you are sick (without being asked) The friend who puts on a black shirt and takes to the wheel to drive you to your ex’s house as you sit in the passenger seat in a drunken stupor screaming obscenities. The friend who takes your cell phone from you in a jealous range as you throw down your martini glass and proceed to call each and every person still stored in your cell phone who has hurt you.

And then there is Jackie, who offered to clean me up after I drank three vodka martinis and literally painted her bathroom floor my own color of happiness. Making it to the porcelain throne was a goal that I sadly missed. It takes a true friend to pick up a can of Comet and a sponge and stand in the gap between you and the porcelain god.


Thank you Jackie O. For being there always.

I do hope you saw the BET Special. I will give up my thoughts after Friday’s event.

Gossip Headlines:
From fellow Texas Liz Smith (of the New York Post):

'GOSSIP CAN alleviate depression by making people feel connected with the larger world. Studies at the University of Wisconsin and at Yale found that water-cooler and backyard-fence chatter actually serves several useful purposes."
So write the editors of The Week magazine in their sum-up of American health issues at year's end. Well, they are essentially saying what I've been saying for years. I wrote in two books about how gossip helps us form our opinions, helps us come to moral conclusions, entertains us, and is cathartic in the manner of Greek tragedy and comedy. Studies at Princeton and Cornell also show gossip as an important means of making us more interesting and entertaining. Sometimes gossip also exposes deceptive, self-serving souls and creates a sense of unity for those trying to do the right thing!

Terry Cheated on gay Husband


NEVER send nasty letters to a spouse you want to divorce - they just might haunt you later in court. Best-selling author Terry McMillan found out the hard way during her ugly split with ex-husband Jonathan Plummer. Her marriage to the much-younger Jamaican, which inspired the book and movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back," imploded earlier this year after Plummer confessed to a gay affair. But recently obtained divorce papers reveal he wasn't the only one getting his groove on. In a series of letters submitted to the court by Plummer, McMillan throws her own affairs in his face: "I wonder how you'd feel if I told you that I had plenty of sex when I was in New York. When I was in Spain and Paris," McMillan wrote. "That I have been cheating on you for three years because you were a drag, because you were boring, because you got on my nerves because you were embarrassing . . . you acted like a homosexual and you couldn't carry on an intelligent conversation." McMillan won her case in spite of the screeds, paying Plummer just $50,000 to walk away, reports Justice magazine.

Paris lies in deposition – Could jail ala Lil Kim style be in the mix?

THINGS aren't looking good for Paris Hilton in her legal feud with diamond heiress-actress Zeta Graff. Just before she left to frolic with man toy Stavros Niarchos in Maui over the holidays, Hilton gave a deposition in the $10 million slander suit Graff filed against her last year, in which Graff claims everyone's favorite heir-head deliberately maligned her. A source close to the case said Hilton admitted lying when she planted a story in the press that Graff, who had dated former Hilton fiancé Paris Latsis, attacked her in a jealous rage at a London club. According to the source, Hilton admitted in the deposition that Graff never attacked her. Hilton's former publicist, Rob Shuter, said in his deposition that the attack tale came straight from his client. (Shuter had the foresight not only to have Hilton sign a waiver so that she would be liable if he got sued, but he also saved her e-mails and logged her phone calls). Graff said in a statement to PAGE SIX: "Hilton will learn a valuable lesson about what happens when you try to ruin another person's reputation. She made a number of false statements about me, and she repeatedly lied under oath during her recent deposition. I look forward to her explaining all of this to a jury." Hilton crisis manager, Elliot Mintz, would only say, "In view of the fact that it's an ongoing matter, I'm not in a position to make any comment."

Posted by Texas Tiger in NYC :: 6:23 AM :: 0 Comments:

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