The Texas Tiger Chronicles

Friday, December 09, 2005

Friendship Assessments & Fundraiser & Gossip Roundup

Mood: Sullen. And you will see why.
Mode: Low-rise Levi’s 527, or these might be 501s. I am sitting on the answer. I am wearing a fitting shirt from a company called New York NYC.
Munchies: McDonald’s McMuffin w/sausage
Music: "Sullen Girl" by Fiona Apple



Days like this I don’t know what to do with myself/all day and all night/I wonder along the halls and the walls and I say to myself/I need fuel to take flight

What about your friends?

Remember when the greatest girl group of our generation released their semi-autobiographical single, "What About Your Friends?"





I think I was in the 8th grade when TLC first approached the subject of shady friends who use you for what they can get then discard you once their needs are met. This is a subject TLC dealt with on each of their subsequent albums. And to go back and clarify what I said earlier, I truly think TLC was and is the greatest girl group of my generation – NOT Destiny’s Child. TLC has the talent, the looks, the fashion AND personality (something that is SEVERLY lacking with DC#). I mean let’s be honest, the girls from TLC were ALL interesting. I used to watch the VH1: Behind the Music every time it came on because they are all so funny. When was the last time those boring DC3 chicks made you laugh? They are such PR whores that you literally feel like there is a publicist standing behind each of them pulling strings…and not playing particularly interesting cords I might add. And with all that money, can someone get Beyonce a speech therapist? How do you hire her to be a spokesperson? I mean sure, she could be a pictureperson and a singsperson but no speaking. I just wanna see you honey – don’t open that mouth. And I am from Texas. So it is possible to grow up in Houston AND speak proper English and maintain your Texas twang and swagger. People often say I am country but no one says I can’t speak. And Beyonce grew up with money. Doesn’t she kinda talk like she came from a family that got free milk and cheese at the beginning of the month?

And not that I am making judgments about those kinds of families, but you know, I’m just saying…….

And this little moment of sharing has absolutely nothing to do with what I want to share with you this morning. So I digress…..

Growing up a sheltered suburban kid in Houston, my mom and dad made sure I missed out on a lot of things. Experimental drug taking, prepubescent sex, underage drinking, driving without a license…you know, all the fun things you kids from single parent families get to do.

So a lot of things about life I had to experience vicariously through music, art, and reading. Like so many of you, I experienced my first drive by shooting when I saw Boyz in the Hood. That was incidentally the last time I visited my poor cousins. And still, I am getting away from my point and I do have one.

I have always loved to dance…it is my favorite form of art. Dance has brought me joy (performing at talent shows) and pain (not being selected as Drum Major even though I was CLEARLY the smartest, prettiest, and most photogenic. Not that those things help you lead the band but I want you to understand than I was better than all them other bit*ches)

Anyway, I remember in 1990 when the movie Dick Tracy came out, Madonna showcased an art form calling voguing. It was started in the clubs of New York City (didn’t most things from the 70s, 80s, and 90s start in NYC?) as a form or artistic expression. Like Krunking from the movie Rize. Remember? I am sure you remember cause it became a national dance craze, and the number one song of 1990. Madonna’s song was lampooned on SNL and In Living Color and became a staple of late night jokes, halftime football performances and gay-coming out parties.

We were all touched by the vogue. Whether you knew how to vogue, or simply admired from afar cause you were too masculine or too gangsta to do that fruity stuff, it affected you. And now the man who created the art form is affected and infected (though I am not sure but I can deduce a few things from what I have seen).

The man who taught Madonna to vogue and who spent so much of his life in NYC and Tokyo teaching others the art form is fighting for his life.



A few days ago I attended a fundraiser for Mr. Willie Ninja whom you may have seen in Paris is Burning. He is a beautiful man – the kind of man who could pass for a woman and I imagine in his mind he does pass for a woman. He is clearly "made up" (using the good stuff from MAC I gather) and he has long long wavy black hair down his back (it appears real but nowadays the tracks from China sling realness and I don’t profess to be a weave expert). But he is pretty, even now. He is dealing with something, an illness I gather. An illness I won't name cause nobody else named it but I am sure we can kinda figure out is major. And he needed some help. Some financial help. SO I went to the fundraiser and I donated what I could. Now this is what inspired me and simultaneously pissed me off.






The fundraiser was at a huge club named Avalon (which used to be a cathedral church). Yes honey, the kids get it on in old churches now. Doing lines of the Columbian marching power right under a sculpture of the Virgin Mary. It was hosted by an aging House/CLub singer whose name escapes me and featured performances by other aging singers whose names escape me and was toped off by up-and-coming house music singers (whose names also escape me). The show was closed out by Barbara Tucker, whom I am sure more than a few of you don’t know cause I am a music buff and I barely know who she is. And I am not being shady cause the show was good. They all have talent and could sing. They obviously spent their musical careers hooked up with people who couldn’t do anything for them and it was reflected in their popularity and records sales. They were before their time cause nowadays you can have no talent and become a huge star (shout out to Ashlee Simpson).

But what struck me was that this man has helped create an INTERNATIONAL art form (vogue) and is here in NYC dying for financial support and there were no major celebrities there. Now let me be fair, several famous DJs were there like Jellybean Benitez, Ron Carroll, but considering this man taught several supermodels how to walk (Christy, Naomi and Betty Lago) and helped give Madonna the biggest dance craze of her career, I would have like to see more. But the people who came showed their love and the love was felt.
But Barbara and the host: Althea McQueen (I just googled the name that escaped me earlier) brought home a point: Love is an action word. And Barbara said, "I am sick and tired of people saying I love you and not doing anything."

How many of Willie’s friends said "I love you" but don’t support his health challenge and have not given to a fund to help him medically…but they love him, allegedly.

How many of us thumb through our Bibles and pretend to be these kind, loving and generous people yet secretly we are selfish and self-centered and would no sooner drop our friends who were on their death bed?

I am sitting here thinking about Willie and the many people who must have ate at his house for Christmas, and went to clubs/parties with him, and traveled to London and Tokyo on his dime and those who drank his liquor or smoked his weed (if he does that) or just called him at night for advice. Where are they now? How can you drop out of your friend’s life at a time like this?

You know, we all fear death. Ok. We all do. Now, if you have a friend dying of AIDS, cancer, or some other illness, I would hope you could "man up" (or "woman up" for all you feminists) and get over. And I mean really get over it.

That man has touched too many people’s lives for that room to have been ¾ full.
If you were stricken with an illness, or injured in a serious accident or even if you got laid off from your job for a few months, who would be there for you? Who would turn their backs?

I have always said you should test your friends cause you never really know. You can test them in small ways. I think real friends will take you to the airport and pick you up. Let’s face it, no matter where you live, driving to the airport for drop off or pick up is inconvenient. Only real friends would do that. But that is minor. IF you got stopped by the police at 3:30am and have to go to the county jail, who would you call? What friend would throw on a robe and some house shoes and come get you?

Am I the only person who thinks about that?

We cannot get through life alone and I like to think I am picking good soldiers just in case I ever need an army. I watch which of my friends have good hearts (not just towards me but towards others) and who have those back-stabbing tendencies. And another thing, religion does not impress me. I am so over it. Some of the nastiest people I have met say they love the Lord. So my so-called sanctified friends get tested too.

I have spent way too much time talking about this but I just wanted to share that. Mr. Bobby Brown Jr. says you should do friendship assessment and see who is adding value to your life. It may save you a lot of pain in the end.

Cause if I can’t call you to come pick me up cause I got a flat tire (cause ya'll know I am not about to be out there changing no tire and messing up my shoes) then what good are you?

i want to end with a haiku I wrote with my friend Soled and Delivered about this:

Can I count on you?
Not like fingers on my hand
But when I can't sleep

And now for today’s entertainment news with the Tiger:



FOXY GOES BONKERS IN BANK
FOXY Brown, who's on trial for allegedly assaulting a couple of manicurists, flipped out in the Signature Bank on Park Avenue the other day. The hip-hop artist ran into trouble trying to collect $2,000 in cash, said a source: "She got abusive and started screaming. She cursed out a bank manager and humiliated this woman." Brown might have been testy because she's having trouble maintaining her blinged-out lifestyle. Insiders say her business manager, Bert Padell, "has been picking up her bills. She's broke." Padell's office told PAGE SIX, "There's no one here who can talk to you about Foxy Brown." Meanwhile, talk of Foxy's supposed hearing loss is much exaggerated. After she fired lawyer Joseph Tacopina — who claimed she was "pretty much deaf" — Brown picked up the phone and spoke directly with attorney Salvatore Strazzullo. It seems that Brown had no trouble hearing him to set up an appointment.


NOT A SCHOLAR
FUN-sized pocket rocket Mary-Kate Olsen has opened up to W on why she dropped out of NYU and moved back to Los Angeles. "I'm happy that I kind of realized that, OK, I just need to take care of myself right now," she told the fashion monthly. "I need to be able to go to yoga and work out and just read scripts and go on auditions, because that's what makes me happy. You know? Like, papers don't really make me happy."



THEORIES ON A BREAKUP
WE told you yesterday that Nicole Richie and fiancée Adam "DJ-AM" Goldstein had called it quits — and now the guessing game about what was behind it has begun. Sources say despite the official statement that the split was "mutual," Goldstein reluctantly ended the relationship, which was supposed to culminate with a lavish wedding on the fourth season of "The Simple Life," the show that followed Richie and Paris Hilton. One naughty theory was that Richie's "moodiness" — attributed to maintaining her stick-thin figure — had put a strain on the couple. But Goldstein probably has even more body issues than his fashion-plate ex: The now-teensy turntablist topped out at 324 pounds before he got gastric bypass surgery a few years ago in a desperate bid to lose weight. As of yesterday, Goldstein and Ritchie were still confirmed to co-host a New Year's Eve party at Mansion nightclub in South Beach.

DANIEL TO GO
IT must be all right to drink wine in a box. Chef Daniel Boulud launched his new Dtour Macon-Villages wine — which comes in cardboard tubes (at $37 apiece) holding the equivalent of four bottles — at his apartment above his restaurant Daniel the other night. "This is wine to enjoy at home, so I thought I should celebrate it in my home," Boulud told the likes of Food & Wine editor Dana Cowin, Baroness Sheri de Borchgrave and food writers Andrew Dornenburg and Karen Page. Boulud whipped up everything from foie gras and tuna tartare to lobster. Boulud's wife, Micky, prompted envious longing among some guests when she confided she has an intercom in her home of fice connected to Daniel's kitchen downstairs, allowing her to order takeout for herself and her guests whenever she likes.



GRAMMY NODS
Mariah, Kanye and Ms. John Legend got the most nods

Vying to be best - categorically
RECORD OF THE YEAR "We Belong Together" Mariah Carey "Feel Good Inc." Gorillaz featuring De La Soul "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" Green Day "Hollaback Girl" Gwen Stefani "Gold Digger" Kanye West (r.)
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
"The Emancipation of Mimi" Mariah Carey "Chaos And Creation In the Backyard" Paul McCartney "Love.Angel.Music.Baby" Gwen Stefani "How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb" U2 "Late Registration" Kanye West
SONG OF THE YEAR
"Bless the Broken Road" Rascal Flatts "Devils & Dust" Bruce Springsteen "Ordinary People" John Legend "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own" U2 "We Belong Together" Mariah Carey

BEST NEW ARTIST
Ciara Fall Out Boy Keane John Legend Sugarland

COLOR HIM BORED? That was legendary Broadway producer-director Hal Prince apparently dozing off at Wednesday night's performance of Oprah Winfrey's "The Color Purple," and not returning to his third-row seat after the first intermission. "Maybe Oprah wanted him there to see what he could do to fix the show," mused a gimlet-eyed Lowdown spy in the audience. No response from Prince yesterday.

Mary-Kate Olsen hasn't forgiven Stavros Niarchos for jilting her for Paris Hilton.
"I miss him and I love him and I don't speak with him anymore," the actress tells W magazine. "It's a hurtful and painful subject. … This is a hard time for me. … [Paris and I], we're not talking."

Olsen was shocked to read Us Weekly's "disgusting, horrible story" about Niarchos supposedly paying a homeless man $100 to douse himself in soda. "[I hope] it's not true."
A reliable source tells us it's not. "Stavros and Paris were being hounded by paparazzi," says the source, who's seen a videotape of the incident. "Stavros slipped $10 or $20 to the man, who was not homeless, and asked him to throw a Coke on a paparazzo."

Meanwhile, Hard Rock Hotel President Kevin Kelley confirms that Niarchos "was not involved in any way" with that Nov. 12 incident in Vegas, where two of the shipping heir's friends damaged a suite. "Mr. Niarchos graciously paid [approximately $23,000] for the damage."
And finally, Mario Lavandei reports on perezhilton.com that Nicole Richie will find an olive branch on Hilton's new CD. "We used to be friends," Paris sings on "Jealousy." "Maybe we'll be able to have what we once had again?"

Tina Turner was honored recently at the Kennedy Center, and Beyoncé, Oprah Winfrey and Queen Latifah paid tribute at the black-tie gala, which will be broadcast December 27 at 9 p.m. on CBS. Queen Latifah sang "What's Love Got to Do With It" with members of the audience, including first lady Laura Bush and Robert Redford; Melissa Etheridge sang "Nutbush City Limits" and "River Deep, Mountain High"; while Beyoncé started singing "Proud Mary" "easy" but ended it "rough," Tina-style.

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